Quip

I have met my coworkers and I have realised now why we have warning labels on everything.

I’ve suddenly become very productive today because I seem to have run out of things to do that aren’t anything to do with my job.

I like black humour. It lets me face being afraid of something I cannot control.

Jokes full of black humour are like kids with cancer.

They never get old.

“That’s an interesting way to state how a computer works, but now try explaining it to me again using grown-up words.”

Apparently this is not something you should say to your school teacher explaining how a computer works.

The BBS now has a quick chat forum.

You are limited to a maximum of 128 characters per message.

Think of it this way, posts to the quick chat forum should be like a young lady’s skirt. Long enough to cover the subject, but short enough to maintain the viewer’s interest.

When you login you will get a scroll of all the latest quick chats from the people in your subscribed social forums (unless you’ve blocked them).

You can also subscribe to the quick chats of people outside of your subscribed social forums by subscribing individually to each person’s quick chat.

Share news. Share life. Don’t share things you don’t want other people to see.

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

I will work diligently for hours on end for no pay but it does not mean I want a job that doesn’t pay me for my time.

Why do musicians start with “1, 2, 3 4”?

But dancers start “And 5, 6, 7, 8”?

And where do we start if we’re both dancing and playing at the same time?

I think every programmer has at some point uttered the phrase “It works on my machine.”

Or maybe it is just me.

I really need to work on my bad habit for procrastination…

…tomorrow.

You’ve gotta know when to code it,
Know when to upload it,
Know when to boot her up,
Know when to run.

You don’t count your money,
When you’re sitting at the keyboard,
There’ll be time enough for counting,
When the coding’s done.

— With apologies to Mister Cash.

What do you call a cow born with no legs?

Ground beef.

Dogs have owners.

Cats have staff.

Should I tell my parents I’m adopted?

Do they know?

P.S. This is a joke.

I swallowed an entire ice cube earlier, and I still haven’t pooped it out. How come?

P.S. This is a joke.